A Wedgewood Cup Of Joe

Yes, it's time for a Sunday cup of Joe with Joey B. Joe addresses the problems of Pseudo Baltimore Paul:
"Dave,
There are a lot of pseudos out there who have been brave enough to write me about their deeper inner concerns. About the trenchant issues that plague their dreams and foul up their concentration when their trying to get that last minute project completed so that kudos can be passed around. Follow me here? There’s a Paul from Baltimore who was the first to raise his hand and wait to be recognized before speaking. Actually he threw a rock through my window with a note attached. And what did the note say? It said that the only time that he and his significant other had time to sit down together for a breakfast repast was on Sunday. So first off he’s bemoaning the pace of the way we’ve come to live and I’m first off giving him credit for noticing that this is a problem. I’m thinking, Is he really a pseudo? This might be the real thing, that’s what I’m thinking at that point. Then he continues, he’s in the living/dining room laying out croissants, jam, butter, the works and his sweetie comes in and pours them both steaming cups of joe. Get the picture? Idyllic, no? Then the dirty little problem that people are living with but nobody but my brave Paul from Baltimore has the chutzpah to voice. Fast forward six minutes into their conversation and the coffee’s cooled enough so that he’s not afraid it’ll burn his precious little tongue and he’s lifting the cup to his lips. Following me here? The cup’s up to his mouth - or did I just say that? - so the cup’s up. Yeah where was I? I’m losing my place here. Oh yeah. The cup’s up to his lips and he’s taking that first satisfying sip. I’m probably wasting my time here. I should really just pick myself up and write copy for Maxwell House or Chase & Sanborn or one of those big babies. Yuban. Savarin. Even Megdallia D’Oro. Is Chock Full o’ Nuts still out there? Because I think I have a kind of a gift for this - “that first satisfying sip” - that’s really good. I’m talking about really. Follow me here? Anyway. He’s got the cup tipped and the no sooner has he once again validated how much he needs that morning pickup then he’s got those nasty brown spots on the front of his pure silk boxing robe. You know, the pink and grey trim flared robe with his name in bold black velvet stitched onto the back. That thing cost mucho dinero and now it’s got a dry cleaner’s nightmare spattered all over the front. So what? The mood is broken, that’s what. And this isn’t the first time that a thick edged coffee cup has caused ruination to an otherwise perfect morning.
Paul,
This, Paul - Dave excuse me for a second I want to talk directly to my correspondent here - Paul, get yourself a thin-lipped coffee cup and you’re going to solve your problem. That nasty habit of dripping and dribbling your beverages, you’re going to expunge it with one sage purchase. And let me tell you this also, my biblical-surnamed friend, your average citizen is not going to have the cohones to step up and level with the community, as you have, about this problem of coffee stains all over the most precious of garments. But don’t think you’re alone with this. Truth be known I personally utilize a bib most mornings but please keep that under your hat, on the lowdown. Paul, thanks for writing in and let me send you out with one specific recommendation - just to get you jump started - think Wedgewood. Follow me here? Wedgewood. Dave, you’ve never told me you have such a problem but should you share it (and I, off the record, suggest you may, though I’d never have said so publicly) then you too will benefit from that one simple, friendly keyword: Wedgewood. Blue on white, bad to the bone China. See what I’m saying here? Try the starter kit is my suggestion.
Until the next,
Solving problems for a better universe,
Joey B
aka Joe B