Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Who's Who In Knickerbocker Village History: Whitey Epstein

The reference of Epstein vs. Epstein in Bananas is to Whitey (Sherwood) Epstein, of the famed Epstein's Pharmacy, formerly located on Monroe and Catherine Street. It was one of the stores that was part of Knickerbocker Village.
The following testimony comes from one of the Kuperstein Brothers of Knickerbocker Village (famous in their own right):
"The picture is "Bananas" and the scene is when a lawyer runs into the courtroom(the trial scene of course) and yells "is this the Epstein vs. Epstein case". The line came from Hank(Henry Polansky who was an assistant to the assistant to the associate of Woody Allen on that film. Hank is the brother of Suzie Polansky who is married to Whitey(Sherwood) Epstein-I still can't believe someone would name their sons Edmond, Sherwood and Claude, worse than Harvey, Jerome and Marvin!). By the way Suzie and Hank's father was Abe Polansky who was blacklisted. One of his last films was "Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here" which starred Robert Blake. Hank had absolutely no success making movies including doing porn (guess he was ahead-no pun intended) of his time!
Please rise. Court is now in session.
Judge Seymour Watson presiding.
The People versus Fielding Mellish.
I object, Your Honour.This trial is a travesty.
It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery
of two mockeries of a sham. I move for a mistrial. There's not
a single homosexual on that jury. Yes, there is.
Really? Which one? Is it the big guy at the end?
Call the first witness.- And you remember Fielding Mellish?- He's got a record. He was always being picked up
at one demonstration or another.He's a bad apple, a commie.
A New York Jewish intellectual communist crackpot.
l mean, l don't wanna cast no aspersions.Your witness.
Officer Dowd, have you ever had sexual relations with a girl
with really big breasts? Yes, sir. l did.
And how did you find it? Very erotic.
I was... I was just checking.
Swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth? l do.
Name? J Edgar Hoover.
Occupation? Head of the FBl. Tell the court why you're dressed like this.
l have many enemies and l rarely go out unless l'm in disguise.
Mr Hoover, in your opinion,is Fielding Mellish a threat
to the security of the United States? Enough to have his phone tapped.
Hello? Hello? Who is this?
Who is this? Hello? Who is this? Can you hold on
one second? Walter, it's for you. All right, l did it! l did it! l'm guilty!
But l couldn't take it any more. She kept tormenting me.
Egging me on.Making a fool of me!
lsn't this Epstein vs Epstein? l'm sorry, l... Sorry.
Sorry to disappoint you, but l've known Fielding for years
and he's a warm, wonderful human being.
Would the clerk read that statement back, please?
''l've known Fielding for years and he is a conniving, dishonest little rat.''
Ok, l just wanted to make sure you were getting it.
You're out of order.- Name?- Sharon Craig.- And you are?- Miss America.
O mio babbino caro Mi piace ?bello, bello
Vo'andare in Porta Rossa A comperarl'anello
Si, si, ci voglio andare E se l'amassi indarno
Tell the court why you think he is a traitor to this country.
l think Mr Mellish is a traitor to this country because his views
are different from the views of the president and others of his kind.
Differences of opinion should be tolerated,
but not when they're too different. Then he becomes a subversive mother.
Call Fielding Mellish.Mr Mellish... what is your nationality?
Well, you might say l have two nationalities.
Are you being coy? Well, l am an American citizen
and also the President of San Marcos.l would not joke with this court
if l were you.- Wouldn't you or couldn't you?- That's enough.
Does the code name Sapphire mean anything to you?
lt doesn't. l swear to God.You swear to God and yet you have no
compunction about teaching evolution.Where were you
on the night of June 3rd? lf you cannot resist disrupting the court,
l order the marshal to bind and gag you. So you followed Fielding Mellish
and overheard him make treasonous remarks about this country?
- l did.- Your witness. Yes, l did.
No. l don't remember. No.
Don't put words in my mouth!
Yes.Yes, it's true. l lied!
Ladies and gentlemen, you will retire for your verdict.

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