Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Lord That Got Away

from IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... caught
Jeez Montero bashedeth two HRs Tuesday night, both opposite field miracles, in the above-ground diamond mine located in the Anthracite Capital of the World -- yea unto Scranton! -- alternative home to Dwight Shrute and Vice President Joe Bite-Me!
Tonight, 3 for 3 with a double. Since the all-star break, he's batting .524.
In fact, ever since we betrayed Jesus in a trade -- only to have the deal scuttled by a large, bearded Voice from Heaven, which almost perfectly coincided with the calling of George Steinbrenner to meet his maker -- Montero has ascendedeth onto a team-saving tear: 4 homers, a flock of base hits and he's been driving in runners like money-changers from a temple.
Justin Smoak hit a couple of homers over the weekend, but he quickly defaulted to his
.200 BA and 2 K's per game pace. Meanwhile Jesus Montero is on fire at Scranton. So for Seattle GM Jack Zduriencik, this one's for you.
The fans will grow bitter
Smoak will lose his glitter;
His bat grows colder
His future projects less bolder
And all because of the lord that got away
No more Zduriencik's eager Rangers' call,
Boy, that took a lot of gall
His foolish dreams will all
Go astray.
Jack, the greed that won you
Will go off and undo you.
Justin's brief upswinging
Has seen the final inning.
Don't know what happened. It's all a crazy game!
No more that 5 tool thrill,
For you'll go through the mill -
And never a new lord will
You attain

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