Weekend Update

Josh over at "A Penny's Worth" has a clever Friday feature called "God Speaks." Josh might be interested in techniques for increasing his readership and he has the advantage of having an MBA. My marketing skills have me confined to the four walls around me, family strife and this laptop. Anyway my anonymous friend (from my very limited collection) sent me this weekend update and I feel it is so trenchant that it deserves sharing, although I can only supply the limited readership of this blog: "Notes for weekly update: the attached update is strictly not for publication as it contains implies flatulence and other reference to elements which the general public might or might not be ready to inhale. However. However, nothing. I said however in order to give myself a moment's pause but then actually had no conjoining (how's that for pseudo-intellectual - conjoining) phrase with which to contiguously ( how's that?) assemble the entire thought. So I leave it for you as a half-thought. Knowing that you will dig full value out of half thought. This is a little like what I do with potatoes. I let the spuds grow so large that in the end I cut away the potato and simply feast on the outgrowth. Do you see what I mean? You've probably done the same thing. Often I also allow lettuce to decompose in the vegetable bin and then simply swallow the rank smelling liquid. It's got to be chock full of vitamins although I've never read or been told this by any one. I just know it intuitively. And I've found that kind of knowledge is the most reliable in any case. Wouldn't you agree? Don't answer that. I know your thoughts on the subject well. How? Strictly intuition. Wouldn't you agree? Don't answer.
first things first right off the bat - the so-called weekly update does not occur weekly. It’s simply the title of a project. Not meant to be taken in linear terms as if the update occurs in a seven day rhythm. If that were the case then, in a sense, the so-called author of the piece would in effect be nothing more than a slave to time. A once every seven drone. This is not the case so let’s just say that we examine the most important element of time to which -- for our purposes -- we can relate: its elasticity. Because my friend, within the confines of simple connectivity - that is, as a simple function of our relatedness -- and by the way if this isn’t pseudo-intellectual enough for you I hate to be the one to tell you but you’re going to experience life as a series of unmitigated disappointments from here until Sunday -- But excuse me for a moment so that I can reclaim direction. It’s easy to get lost in the thicket so please allow me to bring out my metaphoric machete and clear a path in the underbrush. Are you following me? I find that close attention is necessary in this endeavor otherwise, I myself can lose the train and wind up in some unexpected and alien station. Do you see what I’m saying? Like missing the boat without water. See what I mean? Because I’ve tried that too. Captaining a boat in a dry gulch led me nowhere fast. I’ve scuttled from here to here. Never even getting from here to there on many an occasion. So what I’m trying to do here is tip you off about a few of the ways that you can avoid having to reinvent the wheel. Do you see what I mean? About reinventing the wheel that is? I’m confident that you do so I’m plunging forward. Now to the heart of the matter. What makes it all worth while, at least to my way of looking at things, is personalization. That’s six syllables of power right there - per/son/a/li/za/tion. And if using six syllable words without any particular meaning or purpose isn’t pseudo-intellectual then I’ll eat the next hat I buy. At the moment I have no hats so I had to alter the standard phrase - eat my hat. You see what I mean? The thing is, I personalized the common saying. See what I mean? I could stop here because I think I have amply made my point but since the bathroom is occupied and I won’t be able to get in there for at least a few minutes - I can hear some person whose name will go unmentioned struggling with a “discharge” - I’m going to take this all in stride and move swiftly towards my concluding points. Swiftly like the wings of a hummingbird glistening in the sun. See what I mean by that term, “swiftly”? Or even a pine cone tumbling through still skies to the ground. Windless day equals no flutter, straight drop. See what I mean? I hear a flush so my time is soon but don’t worry. I’ll not abandon this task until I’m certain that you’ve got it. Now as I was saying. I’m proceeding directly to my main point here. For my purposes, and I honestly couldn’t care less whether others stay with their own resolves or follow me in this matter, I’ve decided to honor this day - what the Americans call ‘Sunday’, the French ‘dimanche’, the Spanish ‘domingo’, etc. - as a day of relative rest. I say relative because as a ‘free’ day I’m reserving the right to do whatever the hell I see fit to do on it. So if in fact I feel like chopping up my furniture for instance. Then I can make it a day of chop chop chop. See what I’m saying? Or, alternatively, if I wish to be entertained at the cinema? I get myself a seat or two. Napping in the cinema would take care of two leisure activities in one shot so I may try that occasionally. Because there’s nothing wrong with it. If you have any ideas on how to triple up this activity -- like maybe shopping on the way to the show, or bringing some sort of dessert into the show and showering myself with bits of it hoisted high into the darkness only to descend soundlessly into my waiting mouth - any suggestions on that order are not only going to be welcome. They’re going to instantly be put into my activity rotation and tested for efficacy on a weekly basis. But you know already what I mean by weekly. It doesn’t have to be every seven days. Right? We’re not talking linear here. We’re talking quantum if you will. Will you? Don’t answer that. Unless you’ve really thought it through and know where you stand. Please take your time. But know it isn’t yours alone. That’s the whole point of this. It’s another sense in which time is relative. And not just to space. Also to others. Your time is part mine. And his and his and hers and theirs. See what I’m saying? Relative. Einstein had it half right. I’ve got the other half right here. Even though it only comes out on half of the weekend. See what I mean? So this is where I’m going with the main point before bladder bursts and the rug becomes the foundation of some thing more akin to an aqueduct that a carpet rest. The main point is simply that every (take that every with a grain of salt, it’s not meant as an exact measurement of time) seventh day, whether others follow me in this regard or some other tradition matters not to me, I intend to restrain and constrain impulses to do meaningful work unless or until I have the impulse to do so playfully in which case the play aspect would be regarded as central and essential and the work element de-emphasized to the point that the activity could be not only engaged in fruitfully but multiplied into heretofore undreamed levels of follow up assignments. Do you see what I mean? For instance. If I need to cook I might play with fire. If I need to wash clothes, I might unravel a sweater, wash the wool and then reconstruct it. If my rug needed a shampoo - as there are a number of spots that have becomes stained with mysterious and odd smelling liquids it seems - I might pretend (that’s where the play element comes in, with the pretend) but without pretension that the rug was a huge collie and I rewarding it for saving its seven year old master would provide it with a refreshing weekend clean. Are you getting this? The reason I’ve been so concerned about whether you are with me throughout is because I’m not planning on a putting a patent on this. If there’s any part of this - this taking Sunday off weekly (though we don’t think of it necessarily as every seventh day) - that you would like to use or try . . . any part of this that you think might be relevant to your own schedule - or as the British like to say shehjewel - than by all means. Be my guest. Just don’t use the towels. They’re just for show. I have paper towels there on the side of the sink. Would you mind wiping with those? Is that too much to ask? Anyway. Let me know if you can make any practical use of this. I know I started out sounding very pseudo but I’m confident that you will agree we ended up in meaty territory. Let know what you think. I’m interested in all comments, genuine pseudo or even abreactions. I’d explain that ‘abreactions’ thing but I prefer to save it for another sojourn. Also ‘sojourn’ I could explain that too but it goes along with about five pages of blather that I don’t have time or bladder control to get into here and now. Do you see what I mean? About the preeminence of time. Time consciousness, yes that’s what we are talking about here. But I know that you know that and that you knew that. (Time awareness once again.) Time time time in a sort of runic rhyme. Do you see what I’m saying. Anyway I’ve got to make do with what I have. And I mean that literally as in ‘make dew’ which would be the operative euphemism here. So because I have to make do I’ll say ta ta. By the way, if you should have any question about what I’ve said, send me the answers to those questions post haste. No point in sending the questions. I already have those. See what I’m saying? Ta ta comes before oops. I’m hoping to make this so. So ta ta."