Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Cisco Kid And Pancho

The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine
The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine
He's so friskey, but Pancho hurt his spine
He's so friskey, but Pancho hurt his spine
We met down on the field of Brian Cash
We met down on the field of Brian Cash
Pancho ate the peanuts and got a rash
Pancho ate the peanuts and got a rash
The Bosox had us pinned down at Fenway
The Bosox had us pinned down at Fenway
Cisco came in swingin and led the way
Cisco came in swingin and led the way
He threw out runners, and ably blocked the plate
He threw out runners, and ably blocked the plate
Pancho walked two times and left 6 men on base
Pancho walked two times and left 6 men on base
The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine
The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine
He's so friskey, but Pancho hurt his spine
He's so friskey, but Pancho hurt his spine
update 5/7/10: Pancho went on the dl with a wrist  injury
the new lyric could be Pancho hurt his extensor digiti minimi

"Exclusive" Interview With Ike Davis

He's both talented and passionate.
The unadulterated version of the above can be found here

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How Are You Fixed For Blades At Larsen's Perfect Game

How Are You Fixed For Blades?

A new book says they did it. Now that certainly ranks as a two bagger event for all concerned.
The original How Are You Fixed For Blades?

A-Rod's Triple Play

a h/t to nomaas
In addition to starting a triple play last week A-Rod added Dallas Branden to his
ever growing fan club.
from Dom's Dugout
Controversy Finds A-Rod
Alex Rodriguez's latest controversy came from an old source: running afoul of unwritten baseball codes. A's pitcher Dallas Braden, who was pitching a gem and feeling good about himself, called out Rodriguez for crossing the diamond and stepping over the mound while returning to first after a foul ball.
Rodriguez said he had never heard of that being out of line; that's probably because nobody ever does it.
Rodriguez's most famous faux pas include trying to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove in the ALCS, and yelling as Toronto infielders settled under a popup in 2007. In those cases he was clearly out of line.
In Joe Torre's book, Rodriguez was chided for putting his hands together and measuring off the outfielders from second base, as if to show the whole stadium how smart he is. In this latest incident, A-Rod did something he often does — which also annoys other players — he overran a foul ball so the whole stadium could see what a hustler he is and watch him run back.
However, many of these things are overblown, petty grievances, more a case of A-Rod being hokey than arrogant, and occasionally it should be noted that not every player who calls Rodriguez out is right, nor is Rodriguez automatically wrong.
Rodriguez's response was actually sound. Braden hasn't been in the big leagues long enough or done enough to call out a veteran. Braden's act, too, could be considered grandstanding, piling on an easy target to get attention for himself. He should leave it to the Josh Becketts, CC Sabathias and Roy Halladays to say "stay off my mound."

Monday, April 26, 2010

Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

Four Horsemen                                                            
fro wikipedia
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a 1962 drama film based on a novel by Vicente Blasco Ibáñez. It was directed by Vincente Minnelli and starred Glenn Ford, Ingrid Thulin, Charles Boyer, Lee J. Cobb, Paul Lukas, Yvette Mimieux, Karlheinz Böhm, and Paul Henreid.
Released by MGM, the film lost six million dollars at the box office. It was compared very unfavorably to the famous 1921 version, which propelled Rudolph Valentino to superstardom as he danced the tango. Ford, with many films behind him, was not the unknown that Valentino was when he appeared in the 1921 film. Ford, 46 years old, also had the disadvantage of trying to reprise a role that Valentino had played when he was 26. Critics also considered Ford severely miscast as a Latin lover, and one who, in their minds, should have been a lot younger.
Minnelli wanted Alain Delon and Romy Schneider for the starring roles, but Schneider declined and the producers were adamant that the male lead be an American star. Glenn Ford was paired with an older actress, Ingrid Thulin, making both main roles much older than the book and 1921 film characters, giving more credibility to their relationship than a May-December romance would have. Although Thulin spoke English well, she was dubbed by Angela Lansbury.
For this version of the book adaptation, the time was changed from World War I to World War II.
Having gained some positive critical reappraisal in recent years, the film is now considered a masterpiece in France, Argentina and Spain

Yankee Thoughts On Visiting White House

A h/t to It Is High , It Is Far...

The Yankees Visit The White House

btw Mr. President in the fourth ward we were Yankee fans, not Yankees' fans

the transcript
East Room

3:15 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Hello, everybody. Everybody have a seat, please. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the White House. And congratulations on being World Series champions. (Applause.)

As you can see, we’ve got a few Yankees fans here in the White House -- (applause) -- who are pretty excited about your visit. I want to actually start by recognizing Secretary of Treasury Tim Geithner, who is here -- (applause) -- and Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood. Now, I understand Ray and Joe went to the same high school -– a few years apart. (Laughter.) But they grew up obviously big Yankees fans.

I want to congratulate the Steinbrenner family, Brian Cashman and all the folks who helped to make this team what it is. (Applause.) And I want to thank all of the members of the New York congressional delegation. And I noticed a couple of Connecticut and North Dakota guys showing up here, too -- (laughter) -- all of whom take credit for the Yankees’ success. (Laughter.)

Now, it’s been nine years since your last title -– which must have felt like an eternity for Yankees fans. I think other teams would be just fine with a spell like that. (Laughter.) The Cubs, for example. (Laughter.) But this is a team that goes down to spring training every year expecting to win it all -- and more often than not, you guys get pretty close. Of course, if I had Rivera, I’d get pretty close, too. (Laughter.) My White Sox would get close every year. That attitude, that success, has always made the Yankees easy to love -- and, let’s face it, easy to hate as well. (Laughter.) For a White Sox fan like me, it’s painful to watch Mariano’s cutter when it’s against my team, or to see the Yankees wrap up the pennant while the Sox are struggling on the South Side. Although I do remember 2005, people -– (laughter) -- so don’t get too comfortable. (Laughter.)

But for the millions of Yankees fans in New York and around the world who bleed blue, nothing beats that Yankee tradition: 27 World Series titles; 48 Hall of Famers -- a couple, I expect, standing behind me right now. From Ruth to Gehrig, Mantle to DiMaggio, it’s hard to imagine baseball without the long line of legends who’ve worn the pinstripes. Last season, this team continued that legacy, winning 103 games and leaving no doubt who was the best team in baseball.

But what people tend to forget -– especially after watching their teams lose -– is that being a Yankee is as much about character as it is about performance; as much about who you are as what you do. Being successful in New York doesn’t come easy, and it’s not for everybody. It takes a certain kind of player to thrive in the pressure cooker of Yankee Stadium -– somebody who is poised and professional, and knows what it takes to wear the pinstripes. It takes somebody who appreciates how lucky he is, and who feels a responsibility for those who are less fortunate.

So it’s somebody like Mark Teixeira. Before he was a three-time Golden Glove winner, Mark was a 21-year-old kid fresh out of Georgia Tech. Shortly after signing his first Major League contract, Mark visited his old high school and asked how much it would cost to set up a scholarship in the name of a friend who had been killed in a car accident. And when he was told it would cost $75,000, he wrote a check on the spot. He’s been funding that scholarship ever since -– helping to make the dream of college a reality for students in his hometown. (Applause.)

Someone like Jorge Posada. The first time I met Jorge was with his wife. Where’d Jorge go? Right here. (Applause.) At a fundraiser on behalf of folks who needed help in New York City. Five-time All Star, one of the emotional leaders of this team, but he’s also the father of a son born with a rare birth defect that has required numerous surgeries and expensive treatments. And Jorge and his wife have made it their mission to reach out to families who aren’t as fortunate as they are -– offering resources, providing a support network for parents, helping children who suffer from the disease live healthy and happier lives. And so we’re very proud of the kind of work that Jorge has done. (Applause.)

And of course then there’s Jeter. Where’s Jeter? (Applause.) There he is right there. Sportsman of the Year, according to Sports Illustrated, and you can see why -- passed Lou Gehrig to become the all-time Yankee hit leader. But Derek would rather tell you a story about being in spring training with another Yankee legend, Don Mattingly. I love this story. Walking off an empty field together one day, Mattingly suggested they run to the clubhouse, telling Derek, “You never know who’s watching.” And Derek took that lesson to heart, and 15 years later, he still runs everywhere like he’s trying out for the track team -– always setting an example, always hustling -- which is why I think everybody says that he epitomizes the best of the Yankee tradition. (Applause.)

And then somebody like Joe -– a proud son of Illinois, I want to note. (Laughter.) As the youngest manager in Yankee history to win a World Series, Joe is still in better shape than some of the players. (Laughter.) I just want to -- he looks good. But what makes Joe proudest is HOPE Week -- a program where the Yankees help make a difference in the lives of folks in need. Last year, Joe put out a sign-up sheet for anyone who wanted to participate. And when he checked the next day, every player, manager and coach had written their name down. The team ended up winning all five games that week -– a fact that Joe doesn’t think was a coincidence. And this summer, they’ll be doing it all over again.

That same spirit was on display today, when the team visited members of our Armed Forces recovering at Walter Reed. They spent time with soldiers and their families -– bringing hope and joy to folks who really need it at a time of great difficulty. And so I just want to thank you personally for taking the time to do that. (Applause.)

In the end, that’s what makes the Yankees special. It’s not simply the names on the roster or the size of their trophy case -– it’s the people underneath the pinstripes that set this team apart. It’s the players and coaches who shoulder a legacy unlike any other, but who share a belief that anybody blessed with first-class talent also has an obligation to be a first-class person.

That’s what being a Yankee is all about. That’s why I want to congratulate this team –- for winning the World Series, and for showing every young person what it means to be a true professional.

Congratulations, everybody. (Applause.)

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Real Reason A-Rod Cut Across Dallas Braden's Mound

He spotted Kim Kardashian along that route sunning herself on the infield grass
For a different take on the subject and a video go to the baseball codes

I Like Ike

an excerpt from bats blog
Ike Davis’s Real First Name Has a History of Its Own
Ike Davis’s first name is well suited for headline writers and clever promotional gimmicks, as in the “I Like Ike” banners that have begun appearing at Citi Field and have their origin in the long-ago presidential campaigns of Dwight D. Eisenhower.
But Davis’s real first name is Isaac and it has its origins in the Jewish tradition of naming children after deceased relatives.
Davis’s mother, Millie, is Jewish, and she named her son after her grandfather. Davis said a large portion of his family on his mother’s side, which was from Lithuania, perished in the Holocaust. He learned about his family’s history by doing family trees as part of school projects. He said his great aunt on his mother’s side was a Holocaust survivor who came to the United States, and it was initially through her that the family story has been preserved.
“She was the one who knew everything that happened,” he said. “She was able to come to the United States and she brought the story with her.”
Davis, whose father, Ron, is a former major league pitcher, had a secular upbringing. Still, he said he was aware that his background will create curiosity in New York, where there are many Jewish fans and where there has never been a standout Jewish player on the Mets.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Get Me To Citifield On Time

According to several sources, here's one,
Isaac Benjamin, "Ike," Davis is a member of the tribe. A tune he sung when he was called up.
I'm getting called up in the morning! Ding dong!
The shofars are gonna blow real fine  Pull out the stopper!
Let's have a (kosher) whopper! But get me to Citifield on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin'
Spruced up with my cup aligned
Yids, come and bless me;
Bring choice salamis
But get me to Citifield on time!
If I want to hora,  roll up the floor.
If I am dovening,  close down my torah!
For I'm getting called up in the morning! Ding dong!
The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Wrap up my blintzes. But don't lose the Tzimmes
But get me to Citifield, But get me to Citifield,
For Moses' sake, get me to Citifield on time!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bosox Diarrhea

Inspired by the Bosox K count at It Is High, It Is Far, It Is Caught
When Papi's swings at air
and his culo ejects a flair
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When Youk gets in that crouch
And his pants begin to pouch
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When J.D. gets disabled
From a rectum too enabled
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When Wakefield's ball won't flutter
Cause his chute is greased with butter
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When Pedroid's rhoids are piling
And the poop just keeps on sliding
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When the Sox just keep on losin'
Cause their turds begin to loosen
Diarrhea, diarrhea

Saturday, April 17, 2010

How Chan Ho Pulled His Hamstring

He slipped in the mudslide caused by his diarrhea
some exclusive Diarrhea Lyrics

When the game is on the line
and there's leaking from your hind
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When your curve just doesn't snap
and your bowels start to flap
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When your sinker has no dip
and your stomach starts to flip
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When Jorge signals heater
and you can't get off the seater
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you try to cut the corner
and your butts a bunsen burner
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When being interviewed by jack curry
and you say you've got to hurry
Diarrhea, diarrhea

Chan Ho Park Is On The Disabled List

From nomaas
While there he's advised to drink plenty of fluids

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

All Things Diarrhea

When you're goin' up to bat
and your pants are gettin' fat
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're slidin' into first
and you feel somethin' burst
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're slidin' into two
And your pants are filled with goo
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're slidin' into third
And you feel a juicy turd
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're slidin' into home
And your pants are filled with foam
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Alternative lyrics
When you're headin' into first
And your pants about to burst
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're slidin' into second
And you need some disinfectant
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

A similar song
When you're sittin' on the jon
And the toilet paper's gone
Be a man
Use your hand
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Non-baseball related verses
When you're putting on your belt,
And you feel something melt.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're shitting on the bowl,
And use up half the goddamned roll.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When it's dripping down your leg,
Like a warm raw runny egg.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When it's squirting out your hole &,
Your sore rectum's' kinda swollen.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
If you have to take a crap,
Then it'll be a thunderclap.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When it's like Niagara Falls,
Brown & sticky on your balls.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
Some people think it's funny,
But it's really hot and runny.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
Hey, there, Mister; whatcha doing?
Hi, I'm really going pooin'!
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you running cross country,
And it comes out crunchy.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
You think it's really gross,
But it's better on toast.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're walkin' down the road,
And your drawers overflowed.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
To you, it might not seem so funny,
But it's very, very runny.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
You can tell, by the smell,
That you're not FEELING WELL.
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
It looks like chocolate soup
But its really runny poop
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you do a little dance
And there's something in your pants
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're sitting on the john
And your whole GI is gone
Diarrhea, diarrhea
If your driving in a Beetle
And your poopin' out a needle
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're going down the hall
and you feel something fall
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When there's wetness in your balls,
Then, no, it's not Cthulhu's call, it's
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're climbing up a ladder
and you hear something splatter
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're lying in the grass
and it's pouring out your ass
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're driving in your Chevy
and you're feeling something heavy
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're driving your Corvette
and you feel something wet
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you hide behind a bush
and you feel a big squoosh
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're leaning 'gainst a wall
and you feel something fall
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're cleaning with a mop
and you hear a loud plop
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're swimming in a pool
and you feel something cool
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
It might look like a Baby Ruth
But, man, you really know the truth
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're with someone's daughter
and you feel that warm poo water
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When your butt starts to fart
and then it 'splodes apart
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're swimming in the ocean
and you hear a big explosion
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're going down the hall
And you squirt it on the wall
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're having a laugh
And your butt bursts in half
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
It always breaks your heart
When it sneaks out with a fart
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're sittin' by your honey
And you feel something funny
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're standing in the shower
And you smell something sour
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're walking down the street
And feel a dribble between your feet
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
It isn't very funny
If you don't rinse the dunny
Diarrhea, Diarrhea
When you're sitting on the loo
And there's nothing left to do
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Australian lyrics
When you're going to the dunny,
and you're feeling kinda funny,
Diarrhoea Diarrhoea,

British lyrics
Variants of the verse structure, traditionally popular amongst British school children.

When it comes out your bum
Like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
When you're sitting in the loft
And you feel something soft
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
When it trickles down your leg
Like a Cadbury's Creme Egg
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
I was walking through the jungle
And my Stomach started rumbling
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
I went behind the bushes
And it all came out in skooshes
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
It was coming out my bum
like Pedigree Chum
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
It stuck to me chair
Like toffees in me hair
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
When you're sitting on a bench
And you smell an awful stench
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
I was sitting in the attic,
When it came automatic,
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea,
I was climbing up a tree,
When it dribbled down my knee(!),
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
I was wearing flip flops,
When it came plop plop,
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea!,''

Heard on a Singapore Sitcom, Under One Roof.

When you need to go the loo
And you know it's not the flu
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Optional Bridge
No pain, no strain,
Just sit and let it drain
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Josepha Sherman and T.K.F. Weisskopf, Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts: The Subversive Folklore of Childhood (August House, 1995).
The song is mentioned in an episode of Beavis and Butthead, where the main characters sing it in front of a character named Daria.
Common childhood knowledge from oral tradition.

And You Feel Something Burst

When You're Sliding Into First.....

someone should teach this song to Chan Ho Park

Monday, April 12, 2010

Chan Ho's Run Problem

Evidently that's David Robertson and Joba Chamberlain laughing in the background.

The Candy Man Can 2

The Red Sox don't look too thrilled at the Yanks' addition of the Candy Man, aka Curtis Granderson.
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh
Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
Now you talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes
Oh, who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
Talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
Yes, the Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man

A Papelboner 2?

Questions surround Papelbon's sexual preferences. Not that there's anything wrong....

A Papelboner?

On un-retouched image of Papelbon's reaction to Granderson's hr

The Candy Man Can 1

One of John Sterling's new hr calls for Curtis Granderson

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Jewish Jordan?

from wikipedia
Scheyer attended Glenbrook North High School. He led the Glenbrook North Spartans to an Illinois state championship as a junior, a 3rd-place finish in 2003 as a freshman, and an Elite Eight appearance in the state playoffs three out of four years from 2003–06. Scheyer was known as the "Jewish Jordan", and the Spartans state championship team is the only high school state championship basketball squad known to have included an all-Jewish starting line-up (in Illinois or any other U.S. state).